I got called out for bad behavior yesterday. Totally deserved it and it made me feel miserable for realizing it. Ergo, my remorse. Still cuts deep today. I have a tendency to mouth off under my breath; extremely rude of me I acknowledge. Sometimes I'm even worse and say things aloud. It's almost or perhaps it is that I am possessed of a demon. Yesterday as my son and I were walking out of the condo building he's residing it currently I said "hello" to the black woman sitting as security guard. She mumbled back a rather discouraging "oh, hello" like she didn't want to acknowledge me and it irked me. So in a whisper, I guess a rather loud one, I said, "well, she isn't as friendly as the other guard." Previously, we'd gone out and when I said hello to the male guard, he answered with a friendly tone of voice. It just seems odd walking by and not acknowledging there's a person there. However, from now on I'm ignoring them totally, if and when I go back. Apparently she overheard me (again embarrassingly it probably wasn't hard) and mentioned it my son later who was quite abased and likewise embarrassed. My actions inflicted pain on someone else, maybe both people and I feel terrible and tormented by my mean, worse than thoughtless action - as it was quite intentional behavior. I feel at times I do have an evil sprite living in me that wants to inflict pain on others. Not a warm and fuzzy to confess but there it is. I want to hide and never speak to anyone again in case I say something similar again, which is I have to say is probable. I apologized to my son and will try and keep it forefront in my memory so perhaps I can avert that type of behavior in the future.
This morning, the uplift verse was on Joshua 7:19 Give Glory to the Lord, the God of Israel, and honor him. and the message is how destructive sin can be, that the sin of one can affect many. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you if sin is in your life and to give you the courage to confess it. I don't need to go looking do I? Geez, how broken I feel. I hope not only my son, but the Lord Jesus can forgive me!
Then I was painting my toe nails. I must have gotten this polish a while ago, don't remember when, and hadn't ever used it. Selected it yesterday but didn't get around to the personal task then. As I finished my nails, looked at the little bottle and this is what the color was called:
Am not sure if that's a sign or not, but made me feel an inkling better. Why would anyone name a color of nail polish this? Baffling but there you have it. Can only go forward hoping I can act better and as God expects
me to, not my personal demon.
